There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
