I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
