So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
