ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize