I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
