Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize