Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
