"it" just moved
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
