ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
