If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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