When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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