i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
