remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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