At least make sure they are 18
Why
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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