I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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