Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
