he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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