i love accidental penises.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
