Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
