I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
