She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Houston, we have a blender
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
