I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize