i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
