Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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