She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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