lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
