You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
