I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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