i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
