it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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