Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
