Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
