end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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