He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
