Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
