What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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