I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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