I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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