Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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