Your face is a jimmy john
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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