Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
