Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my sisters under your porch take her home
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize