just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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