Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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