nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
