Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
