I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
