my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
