No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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