You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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