so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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