My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
