lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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