were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
