worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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