You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
