forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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