someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
