i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
