Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize