I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
