you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
