I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
