So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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