In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
