If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
