Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
