I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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