We won't sleep together?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
