I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
