I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
