My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
