he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize