I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
