So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you had me at cake vodka
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
