just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
