if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
