I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
