when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
