the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
