I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
