I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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