M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
