god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize