Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
