Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
