I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
