having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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