i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
