I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
