yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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