My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
