I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
