fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh god the rape fog is back!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
