She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
