first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just cut my nipple shaving
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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