hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
