whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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