She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
