I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just made out with a guy for $7.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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