hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
