Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
