I wanna bring you to show and tell
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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