Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
