I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
