lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
