Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
