Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
