he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
